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Sound familiar? Feeling misunderstood is serious. It can lead to depression and anxiety. Feeling understood, on the other hand, le to wellbeing. A study on undergr at the University of Virginia connected feeling understood to not just greater life satisfaction, but even fewer physical illness symptoms. Writer Andrea Blundell explores this important issue. This can be the case with personality disorders and autism spectrum disorder. In such cases talk therapy treatment can be required to help you understand the differences between you and others, and how to communicate in ways that those around you can hear.
Even if you are friendly and outgoing, a fear of intimacy could still be your root issue. Many socially adept people are intimacy phobic. Their outgoing exterior is a perfect way to hide their inner fear. This can lead to being an adult who hides certain things about yourself in order to not be judged. We do need to use our judgement about who we open up around. Not everyone is safe territory. By: Carol Walker. Suffered either physical or emotional abuse?
Codependency is an addiction to seeking approval and validation from others to the point you can lose sight of who you are. This all in people having the entirely wrong idea about who you really are. No wonder you feel misunderstood! Talk therapy is highly recommended, not least as it gives you the chance to experience what it is like to be understood by another.
You can also use the below tactics to start feeling more understood. By: John Hain. Start to really notice the way that you talk. Do you speak really fast? Constantly throw questions at others so they barely have time to even ask you about yourself? It can even help to record yourself having a conversation and listen to it later.
This is a blame stance, which pushes the person away, creating the opposite effect of them wanting to understand you. Far better to own your feelings. Your body language communicates almost as much as your words. Uncross your arms when you talk to others, it shows them you want to be open. Try to relax your shoulders and smile softly to stop any natural tendency to frown.
When we are worked up we tend to revert to habits. If you feel the thought rising, extricate yourself from the situation and take a moment to slow down. Take a few deep breaths, perhaps even try a 2-minute mindfulness break. Then ask yourself, was I really being misunderstood? What might this look like from their perspective? In what ways did they show they were trying to understand me that maybe I overlooked?
By: Casey Fleser. The more you understand yourself, the more clearly you present yourself to others, the more they can understand you. There can be something altogether addictive about feeling misunderstood. It can become your identity, something that can make you feel special and give you the chance to feel sorry for yourself non stop. In other words, it gives you an excuse to always be a victim. What would happen if you decided that you are responsible for your own life, and could choose to find people who want to understand you? Change your focus to what they ARE giving you.
Are they a good listener? Did they donate their time to help you out? Do they always answer your calls, give you attention? If you are feeling misunderstood by someone, try asking yourself, how would I treat them if I DID feel understood? And go ahead and try to change the way you are acting. This could be being less aloof, or simply staying put instead of having a tantrum and walking away.
Their behaviour might change with yours. Take a good look at your listening skills. The truth is that we all are unique, with our own way of seeing the world. So drop the expectation.
If we want to be understood by others we need to believe that we deserve to be understood. And for that we need a sense of self-esteem. Start noticing the good things about yourself. There are many great books on self-esteem as well, so some research can help, here.
Therapy is all about forming a strong relationship with your therapist in a trusting environment. Sometimes all we need is the experience of what a trusting relationship is to then be brave enough to create more of that understanding for ourselves outside the therapy room. A psychotherapist or counsellor can also really help you sort out what is true, and what is just your inner critic stopping you from being your best self.
Your therapist can also diagnose any issue that is stopping you from relating in a way that others understand, such as a personality disorder, that means you see the world in a different way than average, or being on the autism spectrum.
Harley Therapy is committed to making emotional health as important and talked about as physical health, we appreciate your help spreading the word. We love hearing from you. If you are a journalist writing about this subject, do get in touch - we may be able to comment or provide a pull quote from a professional therapist. That sounds a lot to handle. Feeling always unwanted and rejected is very hurtful and sad. Have you had any help or support? Would you consider seeking it?
I bet the majority of people reading this are gutted reading that Therapy is the help we need. We know we need therapy but we have no access to it. Why we searched online for guidance in the first place. And therapy can be very expensive, definitely! There are options though if you are willing to search. You can get very low cost counselling at some centres in London, with therapy trainees.
Other than that, therapy is support, and what we all need is support and connection, in whatever form we can find it. Sadly we live in a society where it is no longer naturally built in. But there are different sorts of support, from self-help books, support groups, spiritual groups, school counsellors, church groups….
We hope that one day there is more support available to everyone. While therapy can be an excellent choice for some, what if someone has tried it several times and no progress is made? Excellent article. I know someone who really really needs this, but would be insulted if I gave it to her. Your article is very compassionate. Is this kind of behavior a codependent or borderline personality type? I just stumbled on here because I genuinely feel sonder and alone on earth. Not because I got traumatised or anything, so this is a very normal feeling to have. But, it takes much more time and discipline to do it on your own, so if you had the money to hire an expert you would save yourself some time.
If someone has a problem opening up and talking, then therapy actually is a good fit, as it helps them with this very important issue of communicating and connecting with others, which undoubtedly is connected to some of their issues or at least a concern making life more of a challenge. I think the issue is that there is a myth that therapy is easy and quick. In summary, essentially, therapy is a relationship between you and the therapist, and like all relationships there are phases.
Again, like relationships, finding a good therapist requires some effort. There are also many different types of therapy nowadays, so it could be that you tried to wrong kind entirely for your issues! That said, many Americans spend hundreds each month on other unnecessary expenses, from restaurants, alcohol, vacations, new clothes… it becomes a case of priority and looking with an honest eye at where you budget your money. As for other choices, some people would recommend all kinds of things, from meditation to nutrition etc, but we are simply not knowledgeable enough on such stuffs to say.
Thanks, we are glad you found it helpful! It could be depression, fear of intimacy, low self-esteem, BPD, social anxiety disorder, any of things. As or telling someone this, yes, it could make them move farther away, especially if they are going through a tough time and are sensitive. We are sorry to hear you feel I need a friend who can understand me alone. We care if people feel lost and alone, we are always sad to hear that we live in a world that leaves people feeling that way.
And we know that therapy actually is wonderful for helping alleviate that feeling. Trying to sort everything out by yourself when you are depressed or struggling is hard for the best of us. Sure, therapy can be expensive, but support groups can be low cost or even free, and there are low cost options. Do you truly not understand that some of us have tried for years, again and again, only to be told to try the same thing. The reality is that you have no idea how people like us fe el. Maybe you got lucky, but not everyone can.
It can definitely feel frustrating when we want so much to be loved and understood but feel totally alone. We do believe everyone can learn to connect to others. And then to look for the similarities between you instead of the differences.I need a friend who can understand me
email: [email protected] - phone:(894) 551-5700 x 6616
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